So I was on the bus....

As the url says, so I was on the bus one morning, heading to work. October 11, 2013 in fact. At about 7:40am, I felt this bang on the left side, which of course happened to be the side of the bus I was sitting on. I was sort of hunched over already, probably playing Candy Crush on the phone, and I jerked back and forth quickly in my seat. I didn't fall off, but I did wonder what just happened. So, I looked out the window and saw the back of a truck right next to me. I still don't understand how that guy didn't see a bus behind him. Front or end of the bus, fine, but the middle of the bus? Weird. The bus was barely damaged, maybe a dent in the side, if that.

I thought I was barely damaged, too. Apparently not.

I didn't feel any pain until that evening. I found it strange that I couldn't get comfortable in my co-workers car when she drove me home that night. There seemed to be this dull pain in the small of my back during the evening that didn't seem to go away. I tried to ignore it. It wasn't because of earlier that day. It couldn't be. It was barely an accident. But the pain started to get worse. Then the spasms happened.

That was almost two months ago and that pain is still there. This is why I've decided to start this blog. Honestly, I probably should have started it earlier as a way to document and track what was going on with my back. I've realized that this isn't going away in a week's time or anything. Since there's been no progress on my back getting better, starting it a bit late won't really make a difference. I really don't know how I'm supposed to continue this post right now. There's a couple of ways my mind starts going. Maybe we should talk about the physical pain first.

I wake in the morning and I'm usually pretty good. There's not a lot of pain. But as the day goes on, so does the pain. I wish I could describe it, but I'm terrible at describing pain. Usually "it hurts" is how I describe it. It's achy, it can be dull, sometimes it feels sharp, sometimes it feels like there's a bubble in there. The spasms tingle right up to my neck sometimes and there's nothing I can do about those except just wait for them to pass. I spend a lot of time on my back and not in a fun way (sorry. Many people who know me well knows that I'm a fan of innuendos, double entendres and dirty minded, gutter jokes. I had to throw that innuendo in there or else it wouldn't be me). Even at work, I will lie down on a mat on the floor for a few minutes while the kids are sleeping to help the back pain. I'm often found lying on the couch or on the bed with the magic bag. I even sit in my computer chair with the magic bag placed in between the chair back and my back.

I work in a daycare center, mostly dealing with toddlers. It doesn't help sitting in the little chairs because there's a lack of back support (which is why I lie down if I can, like when the kids are sleeping). In my job, hugging children, playing with children, picking them up (even just to put them on the change table) is a major component. I can't do most of it. There are only two kids I can pick up easily because they're little. Another few I can do it if my back is good and it's a very short time. Others, I won't even attempt to pick up. I can't run after the kids to play with them. I can't scoop them up and give them airplane rides. I can't sit with them for a lengthy period of time. Sometimes, even getting the bags of blankets and sleeping mat down can give me a spasm or pain.

Now there's the emotional pain. I've been told that I can have a strong independent streak and I can see that. If there's something I want to do, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it on my own if I possibly can. I hate relying on others to do things that I can do myself. Once my back started hurting, that was taken away from me. I've gotten cabs to and from places that I used to be able to walk from no problem. For example, it's only a 10 minute walk to the grocery store. While I can still walk to the grocery store, I can't walk back. I can't lift my groceries, and I usually get about a week's worth at a time, so it's not a lot. It's not just the carrying groceries that are the problem. With the injury, I'm walking at a much slower pace than what I'm used to. I can't walk many of the places I'd use to because it will hurt my back. Usually, the longest walk I can handle is 10 minutes, maybe 15 if it's been a good day. So now I'm relying on buses, cabs, people I know with cars, to take me places that I used to be able to walk and have no problems with. And it drives me crazy.

My goal with this blog is to make note of everything that I can or can't do because of my back. I'm sure there'll be commentary so some of this stuff might end up repeated. I'll also talk about things I know I haven't touched on here because I know it'll come up later. It'll also help explain things that I'm going through, any progress, things like that.

And in case you were wondering what else I'm doing to help my back other than complaining and blogging, my doctor has prescribed pain killers and gave me a referral for acupuncture. I'm just waiting to hear back from my lawyer on who is going to pay for that. I'd rather the insurance company pay and me not pay out of pocket, because that be expensive.

 So that's it. Let's see what each day will bring us. Some days will be good, some days, not so good.

Thanks for coming along on this journey with me, because really, how often do you hear someone say "So I was on the bus...and a truck didn't see it."