Day Off

Today was not a good day. I woke up this morning like how I normally feel at night. I even said yesterday that it wasn't a great night and that there seemed to be more pain than normal. So I guess that was just left over pain for last night.

That didn't help me this morning though. I was having pangs and twinges all morning while getting ready for work. Even threw on the old Rub A535 that I don't normally need in the morning. I was feeling myself walk slower. The bus was pretty uncomfortable too. I knew this was going to be a bad day.

And it just went from bad to worse. I found myself sitting as much as possible at work. Slanted in chairs, against the wall, on the floor, whatever I could do. It wasn't just the constant dull pain today. It was a constant full on pain. Throw on the spasms and I was just a mess. Again, I was walking slower, I wasn't attempting to lift anything I could. It finally got to the point where I had to go to my boss and ask if there was a way for me to go home that afternoon. I felt useless there today, not able to do anything. Luckily, I was able to do so, so thank god for that. I went home and stayed in bed pretty much from 3:00 to 5:30.

The only exceptions were when I got the door for my brother who went to the store to get a prescription for me, and for my bestest friend who, under no suggestion from me, decided to get me a caramel corretto. My fave! And then I found out it was his girlfriend who suggested it. I guess that makes her the awesome one :P.

The rest was a huge help. Once I got up again to do more normal activities, I felt more like myself. I felt more like I normally do during the day which was great in comparison to what I had been feeling. When you feel a pain level that's like 6/10, 7/10 all day, the 3/10 is a very welcome feeling.

So feeling a lot better now and am hoping to have a full day at work tomorrow. I hate missing work because of sickness. I once took a mental health day at an old job and I felt bad about it. But, at that point, I was going crazy and needed a day off. Today, I felt like my back was going crazy and it needed some time off. I'm terrible at self-care and making sure I'm good. I'm always more of making sure that other people are fine before taking care of my own needs. I know some people think "oh wow, that's great, being so selfless". It's not great. There will be a time when you'll snap and the pressure of making sure everyone is ok and everything is taken care of will weigh you down until you don't know what it is you need anymore. And that's how I get. I've been like that for as long as I can remember. Someone once called it being stubborn because I wasn't taking care of myself or my back. And I probably am stubborn about it. I just hate the idea of letting people down and not being there.

And I hated that I had to go home today, but what other choice did I have? I needed that rest, whether I realized it or not. My back realized it. It pretty much said to me "Hey! Look! I'm tired, ok? We've been working through the pain, saying 'it's only 8 hours, then we go home, turn on Netflix and rest'. But we are not doing that today! Nope! I refuse! I'm going on strike until you rest up!" So I had to rest. The back said so. But, now that I've had the time to recover some, it'll be back to work tomorrow, but I will be taking it easy whenever I can.

I also emailed my lawyer, telling her that I did have to take this afternoon off work because, according to the insurance lady, as of yesterday, I only missed time due to appointments. I also mentioned about the quality of life questions that weren't asked. I'll comment on the reply when I get it.

I may not write tomorrow. I have choir, followed by the pub. It's late when I get back so I usually just go to bed. But this blog seems to have gotten a bit of a following so far, and that means a lot to me. I really appreciate people being supportive of what I'm going through, offering advice and the like. It really means a lot to me. So thank you, all of you.